Dude, What’s Up With These Freakin’ Stairs?



“Look, uh, has it occurred to you that we’ve been climbing these stairs for a heck of a long time?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m mean we’ve been walking up stairs all day and we’re not getting any where.”

“Oh course we’re getting somewhere.  We’ll be at the corner in a minute.”

“And then?”

“And then we’ll go around the corner.”

“And keep going up the stairs?”

“Well… naturally.”

“But we’re not getting anywhere.”

“Don’t be silly.  Every step takes us higher.”


“It does, you know.  We’re ascending.”

“We’ve been ascending all damn day.  We should be on the freakin’ moon by now.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“And here’s another thing.  Those guys going down the stairs?  They’re the same guys.”

“The same guys as whom?”

“Whom?  Did you just whom me?”

“What do you mean by the same guys?”

“I mean they’ve been going down the staircase as long as we’ve been going up.”

“That makes sense.  It’s a long staircase.”

“No, no!  I mean we keep seeing the same guys.”

“Are you sure?  We’re all dressed the same.  After all, we’re monks.”

“Yes, I’m sure!  That guy–that one right there–”

“It’s not polite to point.”

“Well, did you see him?  The guy with the schnozz?”


“Come on, he’s got a nose like a gherkin.  You couldn’t have missed him.”

“I’ll admit, that brother did have a… distinctive face.”

“Keep watching.  We’ll go around one, two, three, four corners, and we’ll see him again.”

“That’s ridiculous.  He’ll be two stories below us then.”

“I’m telling you, he keeps showing up.  That schnozz is like the freakin’ north star and it’s starting to creep me out.”

“You’re imagining things.”

“Where are we even going, huh?  Can you answer me that?”

“I am amazed you would even ask that question.”

“Meaning that you don’t know.  Do you?”

“We are going upstairs.  I would think that would be obvious even to you.”

“Upstairs to where?!”

“Calm down.  People are staring.”

“Maybe they’re staring because we keep seeing the same guys coming down the stairs!”

“You’re embarrassing me.  How I got stuck behind you is beyond me.”

“Maybe you can ask for a new partner--if we ever get anywhere!”

“We will. And I shall.”

“There he is!”


“The guy with the nose.  Look!  That’s him!”

“Hmm.  He does look familiar.”

“Familiar my big toe!  That’s him.”

“Looks like him.”

“So how the heck did he come down the stairs then and is still coming down the stairs now?”

“Well… maybe he took the elevator.”

Elevator?  Are you insane?  Do you see an elevator in this freakin’ building?  We’re medieval monks, for goodness sake–you shouldn’t even know what an elevator is!”

“I just think that we should explore all possible options.”

“To heck with this… I’m getting off at the next landing.  I’m gonna go sit down for a while.”

“You’ll fall behind.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“You’ll be late.”

Late to what?

“I’m sure it’s important.  We wouldn’t be walking this long for something meaningless.”

“That’s it.  I’m out of here.  Give my regards to schnozzilla when he comes around again.”

(Inspired by Dreaming World’s post Defining Fan Fiction)

About MishaBurnett

I am the author of "Catskinner's Book", a science fiction novel available on Amazon Kindle. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008MPNBNS
This entry was posted in Artists That I Admire and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Dude, What’s Up With These Freakin’ Stairs?

  1. lifeinddd says:

    This has a certain “Waiting for Godot”, or “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead” vibe to it, very entertaining, as well as a bit mad.

    • MishaBurnett says:

      Thank you! I’ll admit I was thinking of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern (particularly the Tim Roth/Gary Oldman version) when I was writing this.

      • lifeinddd says:

        Huh, I didn’t know that play had that much popularity, I only know of it because I borrowed it from an eccentric literature buff I met during a three-day bus ride across the continent. I will try to look up this Roth/Oldman version, methinks it would be entertaining.

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