Cards for sorrow. Cards for pain.

I really hate admitting that I have limits.

It’s true though–I cannot actually do everything.  Writing and promoting and working full time and taking a class and taking care of the house and taking care of the cats–I’m overwhelmed.

I have a self-imposed deadline on Cannibal Hearts, there is a local science fiction convention in October and I want to have a bookseller’s table with hard copies of both books, so I need to keep moving ahead.

The thing is, I have never been good at setting reasonable limits for myself.  The fact of the matter is that I am very fortunate in how I’m put together–I am smarter and stronger and quicker and healthier than most people.  I don’t take credit for it, I didn’t ask for it, didn’t work for it, it’s just how I’m made.

However, I’m not indestructible, and I’m tired right now.  Bone tired.  Dog tired.

I don’t like to admit it, but I need to rest.  I’m burning myself out.  I need to get past all the old trash in my head that says rest equals weakness and weakness equals worthless.  I need to give myself permission to be human.

I’m not going to give up.  Giving up is what is going to happen after I’m dead, and only then if they screw the lid on my coffin down really tight.  But I am going to loosen my choke chain a little bit.  From now on anything counts towards my daily writing goal.  As long as I open the document and take a look at the last sentence I’ve written, I’m good.

If I add a word, a punctuation mark, heck, if I hit the flippin’ spacebar, it counts.

The important thing is that I don’t quit.  If I don’t have the energy to go forward, so be it.  I need my day job to put food on the table, that has to be my first priority.  But I can’t let myself forget that I am also a writer, and I will rest up, and when I have the energy to move ahead, at least I won’t have lost any ground.

Contra Mundis. 

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About MishaBurnett

I am the author of "Catskinner's Book", a science fiction novel available on Amazon Kindle. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008MPNBNS
This entry was posted in On Writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Cards for sorrow. Cards for pain.

  1. Very, very true. And, as always, stellar writing on the blog.

    I have this same issue myself. Completely underestimate the time for some projects, and then there are days when all I can do is click … barely.

  2. Boy do I get this! I’ve been feeling the same way myself lately. The to do list just keeps getting longer and my own self imposed goals started to feel like a noose around my neck. Finally I just had to say enough, take care of my self first and give myself permission to back off and recuperate. Like you I’m in this for the long haul and while some days you go full steam ahead, on others I’m learning that breathing in and out is about all that’s going to happen. We already know how to push ourselves. If we didn’t we wouldn’t have completed books out there. Maybe now we need to learn to be kind to ourselves when we set the bar too high and need to make adjustments for the other responsibilities in our lives.

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