Now, I don’t do blogging challenges, because that involves following someone else’s rules, and I always mess things up when I try to do that. So don’t expect there to be a Day 2 or anything.
However, this particular topic intrigues me, and so I am stealing it.
ST. LOUIS, Mo (AP). The partially eaten body of a middle aged man discovered in the dumpster behind the White Castle on Big Bend and Manchester last week has been tentatively identified as Misha Burnett, a native of Richmond Heights. Sources close to the unsuccessful novelist report that he seemed despondent recently, but then added that was nothing new.
“The guy was always depressed,” said a co-worker, who refused to be identified, “I mean, seriously, he was a real downer. Always bitching about something.” Another co-worker went on to say that he wasn’t at all surprised that Burnett came to such an end. “Eaten by rats in a fast food dumpster? Yeah, that sounds like him.”
Police are treating Burnett’s death as an accident. A statement issued by Maplewood authorities regretted that Burnett had chosen that particular dumpster to expire in. “Honestly, why couldn’t he croak in Clayton? Now we’re stuck with all this paperwork.”
Burnett is survived by his three children, who are currently arguing about who has to get rid of all his stuff.
No, I’m not really this self-pitying–I just thought that writing one’s obituary has always seemed like such an ego exercise that I wanted to turn it on its head. It’s a joke, in poor taste perhaps, but still a joke.