Day 1: Write Your Own Obituary

Now, I don’t do blogging challenges, because that involves following someone else’s rules, and I always mess things up when I try to do that.  So don’t expect there to be a Day 2 or anything.

However, this particular topic intrigues me, and so I am stealing it.

ST. LOUIS, Mo (AP).  The partially eaten body of a middle aged man discovered in the dumpster behind the White Castle on Big Bend and Manchester last week has been tentatively identified as Misha Burnett, a native of Richmond Heights.  Sources close to the unsuccessful novelist report that he seemed despondent recently, but then added that was nothing new.

“The guy was always depressed,” said a co-worker, who refused to be identified, “I mean, seriously, he was a real downer.  Always bitching about something.”  Another co-worker went on to say that he wasn’t at all surprised that Burnett came to such an end.  “Eaten by rats in a fast food dumpster?  Yeah, that sounds like him.”

Police are treating Burnett’s death as an accident.  A statement issued by Maplewood authorities regretted that Burnett had chosen that particular dumpster to expire in.  “Honestly, why couldn’t he croak in Clayton?  Now we’re stuck with all this paperwork.”

Burnett is survived by his three children, who are currently arguing about who has to get rid of all his stuff.

No, I’m not really this self-pitying–I just thought that writing one’s obituary has always seemed like such an ego exercise that I wanted to turn it on its head.  It’s a joke, in poor taste perhaps, but still a joke.

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About MishaBurnett

I am the author of "Catskinner's Book", a science fiction novel available on Amazon Kindle. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008MPNBNS
This entry was posted in On Writing, Who I am and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Day 1: Write Your Own Obituary

  1. ioniamartin says:

    Oh my….will you be attending your funeral? Do you need a date? I would not want you to go alone.

  2. Guess this is revenge for the hard cider. Toasted Lager for me.

  3. Misha, I think I’m going to put an addendum in my will that has YOU write my obit!

  4. Do Nothing Taker says:

    Ha ha- I love the last line 🙂

    I am an English teacher and after we read The Catcher in the Rye, I have my students write their own obituaries (bc they are teens and I don’t want it to be TOO morbid, I have them write it as if they lived their whole life)…it is always great what they write…some funny, some serious.

    You have a great sense of humor!

  5. fortyoneteen says:

    Not poor taste at all, the first sentence had me laughing and my eyes were leaking by the end! I thought you were writing yourself as eaten by those rascally cats of yours! But, the rats were more believable. Loved it Misha.

  6. Heh, I imagine my own obituary would also be self-deprecating. Did not realize you were from St. Louis. I live in O’Fallon, IL and work in the city, so the references were not lost on me. 😉

  7. I loved the paperwork line — as a public employee myself, I can imagine other public servants thinking those exact things.
    I’ve tried writing my own obit before, as an exercise, and I enjoyed both speculating about how my life story ends, and having the chance to put a bit more literary sparkle in my obit than the usual impersonal ones. Thanks for the entertainment!

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