It’s time once again for a movie themed post, and while I don’t really have anything to say, here are some random observations. Notice how I manage to use bullet points and avoid doing any of the writing that I should be doing at the same time. Don’t try this at home, kids, I’m a trained professional.
- There needs to be a live action Magnus, Robot Fighter movie. Someone should pay me a lot of money to write it, and Magnus should be played by Kris Holden-Ried from Lost Girl. Andy Serkis should play all the robots.
- Also, Crime And Punishment And Zombies. It should be a TV series, though, not a movie. Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov should get eaten by zombies in every single episode, and then come back in the next episode to get eaten again. We can explain it with radio waves. Nobody knows how radio waves work.
- Where’s The Silver Chair, huh? Voyage Of The Dawn Treader came out in 2010. I want more Eustace Scrubb, damnit!
- Who’s going to play Ernst Stavro Blofeld in the new Bond movie? Who? He’s been played by as many actors as Bond, you know: Anthony Dawson, Donald Pleasence, Telly Savalas, Charles Gray, John Hollis, and Max Von Sydow. (For purposes of this comparison Woody Allen’s original Casino Royale  will be considered a bad dream in an alternate timeline, or something.) If the rumors are to be believed, Blofeld’s coming back in Bond 24, but so far no scuttlebutt on the actor who will be given the honor. My personal choice: Nick Frost. No, I’m serious. He could totally do it.
- Why does the Netflix app on my Kindle keep updating itself? What is it doing? Should I be worried? Are Cybermen involved?
- Before anyone is allowed to remake any John Carpenter film he or she should first complete the Seven Tests Of Death, the first of which is swimming from Myrtle Beach, SC to Newmarket, UK. The others are harder. Much harder.
- Movies based on video games need to stop. Seriously. We’re going to end up with Free Cell: The Motion Picture, staring Will Smith as the Jack of Clubs.
- Michael Bay. I don’t have anything to say about him, I just like dropping his name to watch all the cinephiles start frothing at the mouth.
- Why is The Hobbit three movies? And if you’re going to make a short book into three movies, why leave out the best part–the routine that Gandolf does where he tells the bear-guy about their escape from the orcs and keeps adding more dwarves into the story? That bit is classic! Peter Jackson, I expect an explanation. The hot elf chick was cool, though, even if she wasn’t in the book.
- There needs to be a Wolverine/Torchwood crossover film. Hugh Jackman and John Barrowman fighting. In the rain. With no shirts. Who needs a plot?
- Michael Bay! (Man, that never gets old.)
- Toys that need their own movie: E-Z Bake Oven. Slip’n’Slide. Rubic’s Cube. Rock’em Sock’em Robots (wait, I think they did that one…) Hitachi Magic Wand (why should the kid’s toys have all the fun?)
- They should release a special edition of Lost In Space that is only the parts with Gary Oldman in them.
Okay, enough goofiness. Back to work. See you at the movies!