Look, uh, I don’t know any easy way to say this, so I’ll just cut to the chase. I think we should start seeing other people.
Well, what I mean is that I think I need to start seeing other people. It’s pretty obvious that you already are.
Now… don’t get defensive on me. You never claimed to be exclusive–that wasn’t part of the deal. I knew going into this that I wasn’t your only one, and I’m okay with that, really I am.
But, you know, I’ve got needs, too. I’ve put a lot into this relationship. A lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of myself. And I am just not getting that much out of it.
For the past year I have spent just about every evening working on this project. A lot of the time I didn’t want to. I had other things that I could have been doing. I work a full time day job, you know, 40+ hours a week, and I come home from work tired.
Instead of going out, or just sitting around watching TV and relaxing, I sat down at my computer and I worked on a book. Sure, I enjoyed doing it, most of the time, but I’ll be honest, a lot of it was tough slogging. There were a lot of times when I had to force myself to do it, because I really wanted to do something else. Almost anything else.
But, you know, I did it because I thought that’s what you wanted. I mean, that’s what you told me. “Can’t wait for the new book,” you said. “Looking forward to it.” “Hope you finish the next one soon.”
And I believed you. I pushed myself to work on The Worms Of Heaven because I thought that there was a demand for it. I thought that I had a following. I thought that there were people who wanted to know what happened next.
Six goddamned copies, people.
I sold more copies of Catskinner’s Book the first week it was on sale, back when no one knew who I was or what I was writing.
If I had known that no one really wanted the damned thing I would have taken a lot more evenings off, I’ll tell you that.
So I don’t feel any urgency to work on the next one. I’ll probably go ahead and write it, because I do enjoy it, but I’m sure not going to push myself to get it finished any time soon. I’m only going to write when I feel like it. Maybe I’ll publish it, maybe I won’t, but I’m sure as hell not going to spend any money on it.