What he said.
WASHINGTON, DC. In an unforeseen and bold move by hinge-operated objects everywhere, gates across the United States have staged a massive protest in response to alleged misrepresentation in hundreds of scandals across the world.
“This is a load of bullshit,” said Faux-Iron Gate, a tacky knock-off of 1500’s artistry using 21st century materials. “What the hell did we ever do to anyone? Ever since that guy with the flapping jowls did that ‘V for Victory’ shit and tried to steal the country, or something, we’ve been getting a bad rap. We’re tired of it.”
The statistics are alarming. Since the 1970s, there have been nearly a hundred cases of scandals that have used gates as their mascots. From a gallop poll conducted in 35 states, we discovered that exactly zero gates had ever been consulted in the use of their name as a representation of deplorable politics, racism, sexism…
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