New Software For Writers!
Does your work have limited appeal? Are your sales dismal? Do reviewers complain that your work is difficult to understand and contains allusions to obscure works that no one has read?
We Have The Solution!
Originality Zapper is a revolutionary new tool for novelists! Using web-based reference mapping technology, Originality Zapper will carefully comb through your manuscript and compare every sentence, phrase, and word with the complete texts of the top twenty bestsellers in your genre, ranking them by degree of consistency.
- Remove any characters that aren’t just like what is already out there!
- Delete phrases and analogies that don’t appear in the bestsellers!
- Ensure that every single plotline is resolved with a Happily Ever After Ending!
- Make sure that your readers know exactly what will happen in your book–before they even open it!
- Never worry about sales or reviews again!
Now only $24.99! Limited Time Offer!
(okay, so this isn’t a real product, but if it were, I would totally buy it.)
mishaburnett 
Wouldn’t it be great if you could choose your own top 20 books for your ms to be compared with? I’m thinking maybe, for example, Lord of The Rings and Great Expectations. Or Pride and Prejudice. Gosh, Mr Darcy meets the Dark Lord, wait a minute, that’s not bad! Where’s my pencil!
Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's New (to me) Authors Blog and commented:
Best Seller Books Guaranteed if you use this product (NOT) 🙂
Reblogged this on hadassaab.
Whether a book stands or falls is all down to its subject, the approach taken by the author along with his or her expertise in the use of language, and nothing whatsoever to do with software .
I was being ironic here.
In that case you should have made that clear at the beginning of your post Misha. 😉
For some reason — known only to the WordPress software, maybe (ha! it’s all about software in the end) — I could not reply to the comment below by Jack Eason (“you should have made that clear at the beginning of your post Misha.”), so I am replying here.
Jack Eason, please allow me to disagree. The fun in irony is precisely in not warning the reader about it, and the fun in reading is precisely in trying to discover the intentions behind the text. In my opinion, the writer should not be patronizing, and the reader should not be lazy. Granted, each reader is entitled to his own interpretation, but the text is most successful when author and reader are on the same frequency, so to speak. However, it is not for the author to tell the readers beforehand which frequency they should tune into.
Wait a minute… Were you being ironic too, Jack??? 🙂
Reblogged this on Andrew Toynbee's very own Blog and commented:
I think many best-selling authors have already bought up the existing stocks of this product, but some may still be available from smaller stores. Hurry!
okay, so this isn’t a real product, but if it were, I would totally buy it.
No you wouldn’t.
Not even to find the bits that were more mainstream in your work so you could strip them out.
I don’t know you well Misha, but I seriously doubt any writer would purchase this wonder software 😀
This is clever! And you should make this product and start selling it. Instant millionaire. 🙂
Reblogged this on The Literary Syndicate and commented:
Ha! Anyone know how to code software? Misha has this idea…
Lol!
I’ve been planning for a while to write software that writes a novel based on a handful of random tropes from TV Tropes…
That said, I read a small novel a few years ago where the main character tracks down the large computer that writes all the novels people read. I think the novel itself was written by the same computer… Very metafiction.
I probably need this…does it generate pen names that will get you immediate attention as well?
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